Liar, Liar … Pants on Fire?

Know what the true mark of friendship is? It’s when you spend minu hours on a post, telling the world and his Auntie Maureen just how much you cherish and adore one of your so-called blogchums.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Know what the worst kind of heartbreak is? When said blogchum follows your poignant, sycophantic tribute by writing a post and calling you a big, smelly fibber.

Oh, it cuts like a knife.*

Yes, dear friends, I regret to tell you that the blogger known as wordsx3 has undone all the thigh-plumping goodness brought about by the S’mores and other less edible treats he sent me by slandering me in the most heinous fashion.

I was so happy, so excited to see his name appear at the top of my blogroll, and once I got over my initial shock that he was posting in a month that didn’t have the letter “C” in it, I rushed right over to read what he had to say. And let me tell you, I had high hopes because he’d already mentioned the baby Jesus in the title.

At first I wasn’t too disappointed, Cora had highlighted the sad and well-known truth that he is somewhat factually challenged by awarding him with the “Creative Writer” Blogger Award and he had proceeded to gleefully relate seven dubious facts about himself, only one of which he claimed was NOT true.

With a humouring smile and a muttered “Whatever!” I read on, already trying to think of something suitably charming, kind and witty to say in the comments, as I someti always do.

So imagine my horror and grief to get to the end of all this outrageous calumny only to find that he was passing said award on to ME! I mean, how very dare he! He claims it is merely tough love and an attempt to lever me out of slackerdom, but I know the TRUTH! And I say here and now that if he had wanted to keep the blasted Hollywood Snow Globe and ‘Brat’ keyring for himself he should have just kept them in the first place.

Anyway, the damage is done now and like our cat never says, there’s no point crying over spilt milk. In the name of maintaining diplomatic relations I will go along with this exercise in cruelty. wordsx3 knows that to all intents and purposes he is now dead to me and that only a double helping of extra stodgy S’mores sent neatly packaged in a large, chocolate wheelbarrow will mend this tragic rift. Only time and vast quantities of cookies will show just how much our friendship means to him.

Now, on with the theatre of subterfuge. Thanks to wordsx3’s sadistic notion of ‘tough love’ I have to …

• Express gratitude to the blogger who bestowed the award unto you

• Display the picture on your blog proudly.

• Be nice and provide a link to the person who gave it to you.

• Tell up to 6 outrageous lies about yourself, and at least 1 outrageous truth, or switch it around and tell 6 outrageous truths and 1 outrageous lie.

Ha! Gratitude? Ok … thanks pal, yeah, thanks a bunch! The award picture is right there -----> or somewhere close by ‘there’, I dunno and personally I think I’m all done in the ‘nice’ department, but if you’re really bored and want to kill a couple of seconds then I guess you can click on the link already provided at the beginning of this post. Whatever.

So now I have to make stuff up for wordsx3’s entertainment. But it turns out that my life is singularly dull and uneventful, (thanks for that painful realisation too, words, ol’ buddy-ol’ pal) so there will be 6 fibs and 1 truth … or will there? Maybe I’m lying?:

1. I once featured in an advert for a well-known brand of toilet tissue when I was three.

2. I am part Aleutian (No, look it up, what you’re thinking is ‘Alsatian’)

3. I once rode on an elephant as part of a carnival but had to get off when I started to get seasick

4. My maternal family can be traced back to the time of the Norman conquest

5. A medium once told me that I am a reincarnation of Cecil Beaton (look him up too, yes HIM, stop laughing)

6. I was once savaged by a Great Dane (the dog kind, not somebody from Denmark) in a most unScooby-Doo like manner, whilst walking on the beach with some friends

7. I have had a book dedicated to me

So there you have it. Now it’s up to you to decide what is fact and what is fiction, or you can just ignore the whole bally thing and use your comment in a much wiser manner, i.e. lambasting wordsx3 for his ingratitude and general sauciness towards your favourite, fluffy blog-kitten, namely me … just a suggestion.

Anyway, I’m now supposed to:

• Nominate 7 creative writers who might be into doing this.

• Post links to the seven blogs you nominate and let the owners of those blogs know.

But frankly, that’s far too much work and I’m a slacker (apparently) so I’m not going to. It’s gone 2:30am and I still have many hours of insomnia ahead of me, so all I’ll say is that if you fancy having a crack at it then be my guest. Enjoy.

I think I’m supposed to post again with the answers? In, like, a day or so? Hmm, well … let’s just see how that goes, shall we?

Ta-ta for now, my little fibsters x

*Thanks goes to the late, Michael Jackson for that emotive piece of sh inspiration.