It might look something like this.Hmm. Looks a bit flimsy, doesn't it? Do I really want to go hurtling through space and time in this contraption? Although the chair does look rather comfy and I bet you get an awesome Sky reception. Maybe even Channel Five! If I just added some sporty spoilers and painted on some streaking flames down the side, maybe hang some fluffy dice up or get one of those nodding dogs ... it would probably look alot cooler!
Better than a poxy plutonium-guzzling DeLorean anyway.
And better than this .........
So where (or rather when) would I go and what would I do?
I would go back to biblical times and check out Jesus, suggest a goatee and a less girly hairstyle and then warn him
about this sicko ...
I would go back to Roman times, steal Nero's fiddle and toga and bring them back for Eric, a small consolation prize for his not finding any worthy treasures this weekend (other than the enormous cockerel).
Author's Note: Check this out ... this is genuine Roman graffiti, depicting said Nero! Either the graffiti artists were totally shite in those days or he was one WEIRD looking dude! AND there weren't any fiddles in Nero's time ... so if he was fiddling whilst Rome burned, well then he was probably a dirty perv too.
Go back to Elizabethan England and try to catch one of Shakespeare's shows at the Globe ... then hurry back to present day because the Elizabethan's were kinda smelly.
Go back to 16th century Florence and tell Leonardo da Vinci to either not bother painting the Mona Lisa or make it much bigger and have her wear an amusing hat and maybe have a couple of dinosaurs in the background
Go back to Regency England, try on some pretty dresses, go to a couple of fancy balls, try to find a real-life Mr Darcy and then flirt outrageously with him. Maybe get a snog too. (I'm re-watching the Colin Firth version of Pride & Prejudice atm ... it's all J.J's fault)
Go back to the 50's and tell Elvis to lay off the pies and spangly catsuits and to include more kung-fu moves in his live performances
Go back to 8am this morning ... when my hair actually looked ok
Go forward in time to my funeral, see who's there, make a note of any no-show'ers and anyone not wailing piteously with grief, come back and remove those mofo's from my Christmas card list and Will
30 comments:
If Jesus looked anything like he did in Jesus Christ Superstar...I wouldn't change a thing.
But your Mona Lisa is way better.
Long hair/facial hair just doesn't do it for me ...
Except for Dave Grohl ... I'd definitely give him some sugar
Thanks! Dinosaurs always lend a bit of class to any picture imo
Dinosaurs!
Get me a few of them bad boys. I wonder if archeopteryx could be taught to talk like a parrot?
Then I'd test paradox theory to the limit. Oops, I broke the universe . . .
Jules ... I like to think it could. Something a bit more original than "pieces of eight" though, maybe some cool swear words.
And hey, it's not a party til something gets broken!
:) Nero's toga? Have to give that one a pretty good scrubbing from what I've read, and like you say with all that fiddling...
I've made a time machine but it only goes forward, slowly, especially today, but maybe that's not all bad.
Thanks for the shout out. x
Eric ... you made a time machine? Have you been holding out on me?
You're welcome :)
Can two people fit in that chair? I totally think we could do a Kate and Peg's Excellent Adventure!
Jesus was kinda hot...oh I'm going straight to hell aren't I OR would he be flattered and I'm instantly in?
Time will tell my friend, time will tell.
Hahaha @ Kate & Peg's Excellent Adventure!!!! :P
Don't worry Peggy, by all accounts he was a bit of a babe magnet ... and you're gonna have to fight Greta and Pru Jones for his affections. I think he'd be totally flattered ... it's always the quiet ones you have to watch
I would have to go back and warn myself against a certain crazy relationship which should be avoided at all cost. Oh, and buy this stock.
Yup, it's all my fault! Who knew that, when I wrote that post, I would inspire you to write a masterpiece (get it?) like this?
you need a flux capacitor. i think you can get them on ebay ;)
HIL-arious ending...removing the no-shows from your Christmas card list!!! Hopefully some of them haven't died before you...so they aren't taken off unfairly!
I love the pic of Mona Lisa up there...and Mr. Darcy...er, Colin Firth is one of my secret English crushes!!!
P.S. Forgot to remark in my first comment this a.m.: Hugh has gone to Paris. I'll let you know when he tweets that he's back! ;o)
I would go back and visit my 20 year old self (probably a big time travel no-no, but who cares?!) and tell myself to dump my loser boyfriend because I know now that the result of not dumping him led to much more life-derailing misery than there is room to recount in your comments section here.
If my stubborn 20 year old self refused to heed my warning, I would kidnap her obnoxious ass and beat some freakin' sense into her (which, trust me, would be far less painful for her than letting her run off withy the loser bf!)
I would also find a way to prevent Right Said Fred from ever recording "I'm Too Sexy" just because.
Lost ... I'd do that too, there's at least 2 guys I would steer well clear of if I could go back and change things.
J.J. ... I'm thoroughly enjoying the gorgeous Mr Darcy, so thanks for reminding me :P
sas ... I'm so glad you said that! I couldn't remember what it was called and it was driving me mad! All I kept thinking was "it's flange something ..."
Lopez ... I wouldn't be half the stalker I am if it wasn't for you! :P Thanks!
Cora ... I totally relate! Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing? *sigh* And I back you up 100% on the Right Said Fred thing! Actually, I should have thought of that myself :/
The problem with my time machine is it seems like all I do is go back trying to change whatever I messed up the time before.
You are welcome to go for a spin in it some time, though. Oh, it does look an awful lot like a mahogany canopy bed, but it's really a time machine. Oh, and the things I am strapping you down with are just the time shackles. No need to be alarmed. And yes, I'm afraid it is true you need to be naked to travel through time. Only organic material will survive the transition.
lol JP ... I bet you say that to all the girls!
I've seen Right Said Fred live. I'd go back in time in change that, for a start.
Aside from that I think I'd go back a week and buy a lottery ticket with the winning numbers. That would do for me, never mind all this meeting Jesus malarkey.
Mr S ... Tsk! I bet you're one of those people who when faced with the "What would you do if you had 3 wishes?" question says "I'd wish I had 10 more wishes" TSK!!
The RSF thing is more like it!
Ps: How do you not wake up screaming in the night after something like that?
mmmmm, Mr Darcy. You've just inspired me to dig out my P&P DVDs. It's like a Colin Firth Mexican wave :)
SF ... enjoy! :P It's been a while since I watched it, I'd forgotten just how good it was and just how much I'd like to get into Mr Darcy's breeches
If I had a time machine I would go back to 1963 and buy multiple copies of all of the first appearances of my favorite comic book characters. I would then hide them somewhere safe and come back to the present where I would then go get them. Instantly rich and having some awesome stuff to boot.
Trinity ... I should have guessed yours would involve comics.
It makes me chuckle when you use phrases like "to boot" ... don't know why :P
I would totally scare the shit otu of people.
Yeah - that's what I'd do.
I would go back and use all your blog ideas before you do.
And then change my name to Mr. Darcy.
Dr Z ... you don't need a time machine for that
Words ... I'm shocked! Shocked I tell you! :P
I would just send some people (I really like to get rid off) into another era !!
Is that an option too ?
I'd go back to the Russian Revolution and hang out with Rasputin. He was quite the party animal and I'd like to see if he really had a 12 incher.
Dominica ... absolutely! I might send a couple I know back to the prehistoric age to get munched by T-Rex
Pru ... let me know how that works out!
Jesus Our Lord is gonna be pissed though!
Wow. I'm staggered at your genius as shown in full force by this blog.
I'm so staggered I have nothing else better to say other than good job!
oh, and p.s. that same picture was in my church bulletin this week. weird.
lol thanks ~E :)
I'd never seen that pic before, but I kinda liked it ... except for the gory finger-poking element.
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