History Lesson: Ouch Moment #1

I've just spent the most lovely, relaxed morning curled up with the cat, eating toast, drinking tea and reading a rather good book.

I could get used to being unemployed (Trinity ... you're not allowed to scold or lecture me for saying that, either!)

The book I'm reading is "King's, Queens, Bones & Bastards" by David Hilliam; I know I'm a total history geek and therefore a bit biased, but it really is a cracking good read.


As it says on the cover, it's a who's who of the English monarchy, starting way back with the lesser known (and most unfortunately named) Egbert, working it's way up to present day with Her Royal Haughtiness Queen Elizabeth II.

It's fun because it basically fills you in on all the gossipy bits of history that never get mentioned in the standard, dry text books you get metaphorically shoved down your throat at school. The author whispers scandal into your willing ear about court shenanigans, who married who, who was bonking who, who had enough bastards to start their own football team and best of all how they all came to meet their maker. Which was often in a quite fascinatingly gruesome manner.


Take poor Edward II. He was a big bear of a man but was weak willed, dominated first by his father and later by a number of male court favourites whose tights he wanted to get into. Although married and the father of at least 5 children he was known and reviled as being a "bit of a whoopsie", flaunting said favourites openly and earning himself the hatred of all. His disastrous reign ended with his own wife and family betraying him and he was deposed and then forced to abdicate by Parliament who had found him guilty of incompetence. He was sentenced to life imprisonment but only lasted 9 months, being brutally disposed of one night on the orders of his wife and her lover by being held down with a mattress and having a red hot iron shoved up his bottom.

See, they don't tell you stuff like that at school!

Anyway, if you like history I totally recommend this book. If nothing else, it proves that we Brits aren't quite as boring as the rest of the world probably thinks we are.

Yay! for the red hot poker wielding Brits!