It might look something like this.Hmm. Looks a bit flimsy, doesn't it? Do I really want to go hurtling through space and time in this contraption? Although the chair does look rather comfy and I bet you get an awesome Sky reception. Maybe even Channel Five! If I just added some sporty spoilers and painted on some streaking flames down the side, maybe hang some fluffy dice up or get one of those nodding dogs ... it would probably look alot cooler!
Better than a poxy plutonium-guzzling DeLorean anyway.
And better than this .........
So where (or rather when) would I go and what would I do?
I would go back to biblical times and check out Jesus, suggest a goatee and a less girly hairstyle and then warn him
about this sicko ...
I would go back to Roman times, steal Nero's fiddle and toga and bring them back for Eric, a small consolation prize for his not finding any worthy treasures this weekend (other than the enormous cockerel).
Author's Note: Check this out ... this is genuine Roman graffiti, depicting said Nero! Either the graffiti artists were totally shite in those days or he was one WEIRD looking dude! AND there weren't any fiddles in Nero's time ... so if he was fiddling whilst Rome burned, well then he was probably a dirty perv too.
Go back to Elizabethan England and try to catch one of Shakespeare's shows at the Globe ... then hurry back to present day because the Elizabethan's were kinda smelly.
Go back to 16th century Florence and tell Leonardo da Vinci to either not bother painting the Mona Lisa or make it much bigger and have her wear an amusing hat and maybe have a couple of dinosaurs in the background
Go back to Regency England, try on some pretty dresses, go to a couple of fancy balls, try to find a real-life Mr Darcy and then flirt outrageously with him. Maybe get a snog too. (I'm re-watching the Colin Firth version of Pride & Prejudice atm ... it's all J.J's fault)
Go back to the 50's and tell Elvis to lay off the pies and spangly catsuits and to include more kung-fu moves in his live performances
Go back to 8am this morning ... when my hair actually looked ok
Go forward in time to my funeral, see who's there, make a note of any no-show'ers and anyone not wailing piteously with grief, come back and remove those mofo's from my Christmas card list and Will
