The "Ladies Wot Lunch" got together today and a friend mentioned that she was going to a dinner party this weekend; she said it with a groan and a roll of the eyes so of course we asked her what the problem was; as far as the rest of us were concerned a dinner party is an opportunity for free food and booze where you don't even have to clear up at the end of the evening. Winner! What's to complain about? Our friend agreed with this but then observed that in this particular instance it was the other guests she dreaded, not the food. Apparently they're a bit of a dull bunch.
This got us on to the subject of the perfect dinner party and who we'd invite and for what reasons etc. We agreed it could be anyone, living or dead, someone real or a fictional character, but it had to be 8 people (which we all agreed was the perfect number), including ourselves of course, 4 men, 4 women.
These were my guests:
Jack the Ripper: Not a conventional choice, I admit, but I've always been fascinated by serial killers and the macabre in general ... and I'd just really love to know who he was! I'm sure as long as you gave him plastic cutlery and didn't include any ladies of easy virtue amongst your guests, he'd be a perfect gentleman ... and I bet he'd be a dab hand at carving
Dorothy Parker: Wrote, amongst many other witty gems, "I like to have a martini, two at the very most, after three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host" ... that's a party girl if ever I heard one
Animal from The Muppets: Voted "guest most likely to attack and attempt to eat the other guests" (which could be entertaining in itself), there's something endearing about him, maybe it's the eyebrows. Be sure to keep him away from the Waterford and best china (and the cat) though.
Mary Poppins: Bit of a snooty cow and badly in need of some Louis Vuitton hand luggage, most likely to annoy the other guests by telling them to sit up straight ("no slouching") and to eat their vegetables. But she has that whole magic thing going on, so if the evening starts to pall she could whip us all off to a pastel-shaded, cartoon, English countryside for a "jolly holiday", where everyone talks with a mockney accent ("ello, Mairee Poppuns!") and poor little penguins barely make the minimum wage as waiters and are forced to dance with the tourists to bolster their income.
Wolverine: Er ... well he's just for me actually... hey! I've taken a lot of trouble with this bloody dinner party! I deserve a treat! mjenks reminded me with his excellent post the other day that I'd like to lick him all over (Wolverine that is). I considered putting Hugh Jackman, but to be honest I suspect he's a closet gay (all those enthusiastic show numbers? C'mon!) which means I probably wouldn't even get a snog at the end of the evening!!; whereas Wolverine would just sit moodily staring at me from across the table all night, giving me that look, you know? THE look that every woman wants, just waiting to pounce ... gosh! Did it suddenly get rather warm in here?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: This could be a tricky one, she's the guest most likely to be competition for Wolverine's manly attentions ... but I've always wanted to BE Buffy, so I figure maybe she could show me some kick-ass moves. As long as she sticks to comparing "Mr Pointy's" with Jack the Ripper and keeps her scheming little witch hands off Wolverine, then we should get along fine.
Jesus: Well, you know, from a practical viewpoint ... the wine thing really could come in handy!
So there you have it.
But hang on a second ... whilst writing this, I started to think about who I'd invite if I were to have a virtual dinner party, right here in the blogosphere. After careful consideration, these are the bloggers whom my finest, gilt-edged invitations would be sent out to:
Trinity at Newt the Wonder Frog's Lily Pad ... because he was the first person I started exchanging comments with, he's a great guy and because his unique and hilarious blog guarantees to make me smile and QCTM at least once a day
Pru Jones at Prunella de ville ... because she's a true original and has a great sense of fun and would probably be game for anything
mjenks at Crown of Thistles ... because he's an uber-boffin who could keep everyone entertained for hours with a whole bunch of interesting, witty facts and tales of yore
Diane at Cooking Blind ... to bring a touch of style and class to the proceedings, just like her cool blog does
words words words of Untitled Blogger Project ... because he's one of the nicest, funniest, smartest bloggers out there (plus, more importantly, I'd have someone to flirt outrageously with)
Peggy at Stir Crazy in the Suburbs ... because she has the most wonderfully impish sense of humour. Pru Jones would probably wrestle, bikini clad, in chocolate pudding with me just for the hell of it ... but I reckon it's Peggy who'd get me drunk and then get me arrested for doing something naughty but fun
And last, but by no means least ...
Dr Zibbs of the infamous That Blue Yak ... because there's no denying it, he's quite simply "The Daddy" of all bloggers and no respectable blog-party would be seen dead without him in attendance ... plus he wouldn't want to miss all the pudding-wrestling
So that's the 8 ... but I'd have my latest blog-chum Mr London Street on hand, just in case anyone cancelled at the last moment; I spent some time at work today reading his blog ... which probably wasn't very smart of me ... I'm fairly sure my bursts of uncontrollable laughter gave me away, it's such a good job I'm leaving on Thursday or they'd probably sack me. Anyway, check out his blog, I promise you it's worth it.
The Definitive Dinner Party ...
Cheers! Bon Appetite! And goodnight!
