I think I might have blogger's block.
I can't think of anything specific to post about; I think I've filled in one too many job applications and exchanged my brain for a plate full of wobbly jelly. All day it's been a struggle to think logically, a couple of times I've even been talking to someone and then suddenly just lost the plot, e.g:
Me: "So we're going to get a new valuation on the client's bond and ... oh, look, a squirrel!" *vacant stare*
I've sat here for the last bloody half hour trying to think of a suitable subject and it's just not happening; so I'll give up, and just tell you about the few random thoughts, musings and semi-noteworthy events that have made up my day:
Ladies Undergarments: Like lots of women, if I wear a dress or skirt suit to work I like to wear stockings ... simply because in keeping with the English climate I haven't yet managed to get a tan and I wouldn't want to cause traffic accidents by dazzling drivers with my hideously pale legs. Frankly, I've seen corpses with a better colour. (I don't do fake tan, mainly because I'm crap at applying it and just look like I've been seeping in ancient tea bags, not to mention having bright orange hands for six months afterwards. And I don't do sunbeds because ... well they're big microwave ovens). Last night I bought some supposedly "Ladder Resistant" stockings or pantyhose as I think they're called in the US (?) ... except they're not, as I found out in record time during the process of putting them on. They may not ladder in the usual way, i.e. vertically, but they do ladder horizontally which, trust me, is even worse. What a crock!
Oh, and while I'm on the subject, I just need to take a quick rant detour here for a second ... Pantyhose? I HATE that word! I'm so glad we don't use it here. It's completely misleading. I can assure you there is no hose in MY pants, thank you very much. Oh ... and panties! Another rubbish word, actually I've been thinking about this and there simply is no cool word for women's underwear ... knickers, bloomers, tanga, thong ... they're all completely ridiculous.
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Hot Date? - Not so much: If you read mjenks' blog you might know that he recently gave us ladies a quick, valuable Latin lesson on how to effectively deal with "douchebags" ... his term not mine, I'm sadly far too British to carry that one off effectively; you might also have seen me mention in his comments in a later post that I had tested this Latin phrase "Si te futuas, gaudeam!" (Translation: "If you should go fuck yourself, I would rejoice!") not once but three times when I was out the other night. With mixed and interesting results it has to be said. Anyway, cut a long story short, the third guy I said it to actually grinned and said "Bravo!" and then said something back in Latin, which so completely threw me that I ended up agreeing to a date.
That was on Thursday night and I've had plenty of time to regret my hasty decision. He wasn't really my type so I wasn't expecting great things and was even starting to consider getting a friend to phone him and tell him I'd died in a freak stationery-related accident. Then he suggested meeting for lunch, which seemed much safer (and shorter) than an evening date, so I agreed and today I found myself sitting in a crowded coffee shop on my lunch break.
I was right not to have expected too much.
He was late. He was totally full of himself and kept bragging about his car and money etc and unluckily for him I'm not one of those girls who's impressed by things like that. As far as cars go ... tell me what colour it is and that's all the information I'm interested in. But even worse, he was a total perv! And not in a good way. I like to think I'm quite an open-minded person, but there's definite lines that should NOT be crossed on the first date, and certainly not in a busy coffee shop where everyone can hear. His name was Sam, which was rather apt I thought as by the end of the hour I was thinking of him as "Sam-I-Am" from Green Eggs and Ham, e.g:
Sam: Would you, could you in a car?
Me: Not on a train! Not in a tree! Not in a car! Sam! Let me be!
So not a roaring success and needless to say I won't be seeing him again.
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My Cat Hates Me: Had a couple of friends round this evening to share a bottle of wine and a chat. Why is it my cat will wait until I have company, saunter casually into the room, sit right in the middle of the floor and then proceed to thoroughly lick it's bum!! One friend has cats herself so she didn't blink an eye, but I could see the other friend trying hard not to notice and keep talking. She finally gave up and said "Does it always do that?". Is it an act of disdain on the cat's part? Or just gross exhibitionism?
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The _ope Thing: So I'm starting to get into the whole blogging community thing now, I'm trying to read more blogs and I've noticed that some people have a picture that is ... brace yourselves, I'm about to get technical here ... kinda blue and red coloured with a word underneath that ends with "ope". I think I've seen "Cope", "Hope", "Dope", "Mope" and maybe some others that I can't remember. What's that about? Is it a symbol of some sinister, secret blog cult? How do you join? And why hasn't anybody had "Pope"?
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Love Thy Neighbour: My upstairs neighbours are having the mother of all barneys. They sure can shout. As is often the case, jealousy has reared its ugly head and brought trouble to paradise. She thinks he's having an affair. He strenuously denies it. I have to say, I don't know when she thinks he's had the time or the energy to carry on an affair, since they've seemed to be going for the Guinness World Record of "shags fitted into one day".
And on that note, I'll leave you with this to listen to (I love the line "And 100% of the time you are on the stupid!"). Enjoy.
