Stuck for any suitably loony-yet-creative ideas for today's blog I have been reflecting on the day's contents and have decided that on the whole it has been made up of a series of disappointments.
I was disappointed:
1) To wake up and realise that I wasn't languishing in an expensive Parisian hotel bed next to Olivier Martinez, with fresh, warm croissants and coffee waiting for me, followed by a day of no-holds-barred retail therapy, courtesy of said Monsieur Martinez's credit card
2) That England still hasn't adopted a tropical climate
3) To find that the lazy, good-for-nothing cat STILL hasn't mastered the art of housework and in fact expects me to do it all!
4) To realise that my attempts to dissuade my upstairs neighbours from their extremely noisy sexual antics (at ALL hours of the day and night ... I am beginning to suspect that they are part-Duracell bunnies) by playing the Benny Hill theme music as loud as my stereo will allow every time the walls start to shake, continues to fail miserably
5) To realise that said neighbours now in fact seem to have found a rhythm to the Benny Hill theme music which amazingly heightens the experience for them
6) To discover that I had still not won the lottery ... although I concede that my consistent failure to buy a ticket may have had something to do with this
7) To have my plans for a meal that I had been looking forward to all day cruelly FOILED by my weediness and subsequent inability to open a jar of essential ingredients
8) To have toast for dinner ... again
9) That in spite of having invited him to dinner and heaped no end of flattery and praise on him over the last couple of days ... Wolverine has STILL not accepted my invitation OR declared his undying lust/love for me! What's up with that!?! Effin ingrate!
10) That they still haven't made "Jaws! The Musical"
I hope that your day has been more rewarding.
