Eh? Speak up! ...

So I'm heading into my second week of employment ... and I'm really enjoying it! There's not as much to do as I'd like, but the people I work with are fun and laid back and it's just a nice place to work.

Best of all though, without a doubt, are the clients.

As I've told you, it's a private company that assists people with hearing problems; supplying hearing tests, the latest technology in hearing aids and service and maintenance of hearing aids ... so basically a large proportion of the clients are extremely old, extremely wealthy and extremely deaf.

There's a lot of comedy value right there.

Some of my favourites so far are:

Mrs Veg - 96 years old, looks like an albino Sun-Maid raisin but has more energy than I do. She pops into the office to bring us fresh vegetables from her garden and have a chat on her way to afternoon Bingo. Last week her daughter came in to pick up some hearing aid batteries for her and told us how her mother can't hear a word that's said at Bingo, especially the numbers being called out and had been known to shout "Bingo!" excitedly having completely misheard and therefore not actually having any of the winning numbers.

Mr Nagging-Wife - he came into the office last week saying that his hearing aid appeared to have broken. When this was confirmed and it was suggested he get a new one he hastily declined. Puzzled by his insistent refusal the dispenser asked him "But don't you want to be able to hear?", the man cast a look outside to where his wife sat waiting in the car, "Well you see" he answered carefully, "the thing about being able to hear is that it's not always convenient ... "

Mr Plummy - ex ac-TOR (don't get too excited, he's nobody famous), wears one of those tweed jackets (although he's the type who would look perfectly at home in a cravat and silk smoking jacket) with the patches on the elbows, speaks in a frightfully posh manner and comes across as very abrupt and rather rude, however he does have a wonderful way with telling stories; he came in today, bringing his beautiful Irish Setter dog with him. Of course we commented on how handsome he was (the dog - not Mr Plummy), only to be told:

"Yes, well we went to visit a friend of my wife's who had this big house, full to the rafters of bally dogs! I'd just sat down and was waiting patiently to be offered a glass of sherry when this chap came bounding over and immediately stuck his nose in my personal trouser area! I turned to Mary and said "Well, I suppose we'll have to take the bally thing home now!" Worst purchase I ever made, although they didn't charge me much for him, and just as well ... the bally thing's gay! Can't use him for breeding at all!"


But the winner of "Most amusing aurally-challenged wrinklie" goes to Mrs Anonymous, for the following telephone conversation:

Me: Good afternoon, *insert company name*, how can I help?

Mrs A: HELLO?

Me: Hello?

Mrs A: ARE YOU THERE?

Me: Yes, I'm here ... how can I help?

Mrs A: WHO'S THAT?

Me: I'm Kate, you've phoned *insert company name*

Mrs A: IS THAT *insert company name*?

Me: Yes, it's *insert company name*, how can we help you?

Mrs A: (increasingly irritably) I CAN'T HEAR A WORD YOU'RE SAYING!

Me: Oh! I'm sorry! Are you having trouble with your hearing aid?

Mrs A: YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, I'M HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MY HEARING AIDS

Me: (trying not to giggle and speaking a little louder) Can I take your name please?

Mrs A: EH?

It doesn't help that I have a naturally soft voice, but I tried my best to talk as loud as I could without resorting to all-out shouting,

Me: WHAT. IS. YOUR. NAME. PLEASE?

Mrs A: NO. I THINK IT'S BROKEN

Me: I SAID WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Mrs A: I LIVE IN ELY

Me: YES, BUT. WHAT. IS. YOUR. NAME?

Mrs A: MY PHONE NUMBER?

Me: (knowing we could trace her on our computer system by her phone number I saw this as a golden opportunity and grasped at it futilely) YES! OK! WHAT IS YOUR PHONE NUMBER?

Mrs A: (getting seriously riled) I CAN'T HEAR A WORD YOU'RE SAYING!

Me: (silently screaming/laughing hysterically) WHAT IS YOUR PHONE NUMBER? ... OR YOUR POSTCODE?

Mrs A: CODE? WHAT CODE? THEY DON'T HAVE CODES ON THEM!

Me: (rapidly losing the will to live) NO. YOUR POSTCODE ... WHAT IS IT?

Mrs A: (in a really irritated tone) OH, NEVER MIND! I DON'T KNOW WHY I BOTHER. YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY ARE SUCH MUMBLERS, YOU SHOULD SPEAK MORE CLEARLY, YOUNG WOMAN!

And she hung up on me!

Think I'm going to love this job :)




Also, here are some things that have made me laugh this week:


















Apparently Google had PMS or something ...









Google! How rude! ...












I NEED this t-shirt!









I swear I've worked in this office ... actually, that's me standing on the chair :/ ...





It's been a bad week for posting/commenting I'm afraid, but hopefully I'll soon be back on form ... it would really help if you lot didn't have such wonderful blogs and didn't keep posting awesome stuff that I'm compelled to read and then end up losing the precious time I would have spent compiling richly, comical posts for you!!!

Grrrrrrr ... yes, I blame you! Especially YOU!

Hope you're all having a great week :) x


Ps: Does anybody know what's happened to JP? (Joyless Prole ... aka Evil Superman ... aka Mr. Fancypants) :( Went to read his post and it said his account had been removed!! Was there some kind of memo that didn't hit my in-tray??