Quirky is as Quirky Does ...

So today at dinner my family resorted to one of their favourite topics of conversation ... "Why is Kate still single?"

I'd already been subjected to the usual scrutiny/criticism as soon as I walked through the door, although to be fair my mum did wait to give me a hug and a kiss before launching into ...

"Darling, there's nothing to you! Are you eating properly? Did you eat today? When was the last time you ate? And you're so pale! (said as she's painfully pinching and rubbing my cheeks) You really should have put something warmer on! You must be half frozen in that silly little top! (today was probably the mildest one we've had all year) Don't you have any dresses, dear? You look so pretty in dresses. Did you think to wear the bracelet John (mum's boyfriend - AKA "The Silver Fox") bought you for your birthday? (said in an anxious whisper ... and I had, even though it's totally blingtastic and not really my taste) You know he'll be so hurt if you haven't" All this said in the space of about 5 seconds (how do mum's do that??)

Rather naively, I hoped I had gotten through the worst of it and would be left alone for the rest of the day. But no, just as the broccoli was being passed around ...

Silver Fox: So Kate, how's your love life?

Me: (Said through slightly gritted teeth, madly trying not to grimace or roll my eyes) Oh, you know, not much to tell

Uncle T: What? No interesting dates even?

Me: (Keeping my eyes firmly on my glass of wine, wishing it was a magic glass that would keep refilling, no matter how much I drank) No, not at the moment

Silver Fox: Well I don't know what's wrong with the young men of today, if I was 40 years ...

Me: Would you like some more peas, John? (silently screaming "EWWWW, EW EW EW")

Mother: I don't understand it either, I know I'm somewhat biased but she's such a pretty girl and quite delightful when she wants to be

Me: Thanks Mum (beginning to "get" Lizzie Borden by this stage)

Mother: Well you are, dear. You're intelligent and funny, everybody likes you ... even if you are a bit ... quirky

Me: Quirky? (er ... WHAT?) What's that supposed to mean?

Mother: Well, you know, a little out of the ordinary

Me: !!!!!!!!!

Grandad: Don't worry dear, it's quite charming

Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Having made me totally paranoid, as only close friends and relatives can, they turned their attention to some other poor sap and I was left to ponder their comments.

Was I quirky? And if I was, how could it possibly be charming? When I think of someone as being quirky I'm pretty much thinking they're ok, but that I wouldn't want to be in a confined space with them for any length of time.

Clearly I couldn't judge the matter impartially, so I sent a quick text message to some of my closest friends ...

"Do you think I'm quirky? Family outrageously allege I am. Don't see it myself. HOW am I quirky?"

Gradually the responses started coming back ... I am very disheartened. I can only say that my friends are a rotten, disloyal bunch.

Here are the results:

Gerbil! (Text 1 of 7: "Well, there is that gerbil thing. That cracks me up")

Explanation: For some reason, when asked to think of an animal I invariably think "Gerbil!" ... (which I don't think is a big deal, I also always think "blue" when asked to think of a colour ... which is odd, because my favourite colour is pink) my friends have sussed this and use it as one of their many sources of amusement at my expense, so now they make a big point of asking me and I have to consciously rethink before I answer. Sadly my answer of "Manatee" or "Amazonian Tree Frog" never fools them ... "You're thinking Gerbil, aren't you?" *cue cruel, hysterical laughter*

Fear of Popcorn (Text 2 of 7: "Of course you're quirky! For God's sake woman - you refuse to eat popcorn when we go to the cinema")

Explanation: I have a fear of eating popcorn in a cinema while the film is on ... I am convinced that if I do so I will not only choke, but I will choke at a really tense stage of the film, when it's really quiet, and all people will be able to hear is me choking. Not cool.

Scary Santa (Text 3 of 7: "Um ... you hate Santa")

Explanation: I’m probably the only 29 year old who’s scared of him. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate him from a distance, on TV and Christmas cards etc, I just don’t wanna be anywhere near him in person. When I see Santa I just see a big fat guy with too much facial hair who likes to dress all in red and knee high boots … that’s scary! Same goes for clowns … I used to have nightmares about Ronald McDonald.

The Etiquette of Eating A Mars Bar (Text 4 of 7: "I've never seen anybody eat a Mars Bar like that :/")

Explanation: Ok … the CORRECT way to eat a Mars Bar is:

1. Nibble off both ends
2. Nibble away at the sides
3. Carefully bite off the toffee layer (preferably without breaking the base layer)
4. Eat the base layer
   

*Or just dunk it in hot tea until the chocolate and caramel are all squishy as a tasty alternative.

Kettle OCD (Text 5 of 7: "You have that scary thing about your kettle")

Explanation: My kettle MUST be placed so that the spout is facing to the left AT ALL TIMES! Universal chaos will ensue if it isn't ... you have been warned.

Drunken Nose (Text 6 of 7: "Hahaha! 2 words missus: drunk & nose")

Explanation: As soon as I become squiffy I become obsessed and highly amused by the numbness of my nose, even going so far as to invite friends (and on occasion total strangers) to feel how numb it is.

Unique Finger Formation (Text 7 of 7: "Freaky. Fingers. Woman. Even your mum says you're deformed")

I refuse to explain this one!!!! It's NOT even a quirk!!! Just because my fingers curl back at the ends does NOT mean I'm deformed!!! My Great Grandmother always said it was a sign of great musical ability and THATS what I'm sticking with!!

Ps: HUMPH!